Season 1 Episode 1

A conversation with two Montana women sharing life experiences, which consist of things that irritate us, boundaries and wishing people would be more self-aware. Does that make us crabby old ladies? (yes! and proud of it)

SPAR Productions

Transcript

GOML - Episode 1 -202407 - Edited v 4

[00:00:00] 

Ann: Hi everyone. Welcome to our podcast. I'm Ann Reber. I am a 53 year old woman here in Helena, Montana. I graduated from Concordia College back in the day and with a BA in English writing. I have no children and am loving gardening and just being outside. 

Shelly: And I'm Shelly Pardis. Also, in my mid fifties, I work as a consultant, mostly with the public sector, and in fact that's how Anne and I met, was through a job with the public sector.

And I am married, I have two adult [00:01:00] children and a beautiful granddaughter, Kalia. You may hear about her now and then. She's a pretty big part of my life. And I have my bachelor's degree in Quaternity, which is the study of thought. Doesn't that sound exciting? Let's talk about obscure, obscure . 

Ann: So, yeah, so we are in Helena, Montana.

It's summer July, 2024, and we are in a drought, 

Shelly: a devastating heat wave. Yeah, , it's like almost a hundred degrees out there today, isn't it? 

Ann: Yeah, and it's been consistently in the high nineties for the past week, and according to the local weather guy, Curtis. It's going to stay this way the rest of July.

Shelly: Yeah, at the moment we have a huge wildfire going on, not far from where I live. I'm totally safe on the opposite side of a lake. But, , it's over 11, 000 acres, burning, no containment. It's been [00:02:00] going since when, Wednesday? 

Ann: Was that when it started? I think so, or is it, it, no it started Tuesday. 

Shelly: Okay, yeah, Tuesday like noon ish or something like that.

And then. Blew up over the next several days. So It's it's pretty crazy. It's crazy out there. It's just like smoky hot Doesn't look like conditions will be much better. 

Ann: Yeah, there's no rain in the forecast but winds which makes it even worse. Yeah 

Shelly: So yeah, that's So the good news is, there's been no property loss, the firefighters are doing a great job of protecting homes and, and building structures, that type of thing, but 11, 000 acres, that's a lot of forest land that's getting burnt right now.

Right, those poor animals. Yeah, absolutely, a lot of animals, um, probably going to see more, uh, activity in the lawn. That's okay. That's okay, it doesn't bother me any, but yeah, it's a huge impact on our community, really. Yeah. Whenever there's a big fire. [00:03:00] It's pretty amazing to me, the wonderful things people, the good things that come out of people when something like this happens.

Ann: Mm hmm. Well, the thing about the fire is you can't help but notice it no matter where you are, because the smoke is just dominating the entire eastern horizon. Yeah. 

Shelly: Unless you're completely unaware of what's happening around you. Right. Yesterday I woke up, the fire's still not contained. We know that, we can see that.

There's planes scooping water out of the lake, you know, trying to put the fire out, contain it. And people are out, but it's clear. It was relatively clear yesterday. A lot of boat activity, a lot of jet skis running around. They haven't been out there the last several days. I think people were trying to be cautious of the fire.

But, uh, They didn't, there's, they were out there and not aware that they were keeping the planes from being able to actually fight the fires because they have to be grounded. They can't be out scooping water when there's [00:04:00] people out there. Yeah. Can you imagine getting scooped up? I think that's happened before.

I don't know all the ins and outs of it. But anyway, you know, it's just kind of crazy what people are, they don't even think about how their actions can impact. others. And this is pretty devastating, right? So if they can't put the fire out and it burns down somebody's house because you decided to go water skiing that morning, you know, if you knew that ahead of time, would you maybe do, would you do that?

I wouldn't, but right. So anyway, we're going to call this podcast, Get Off My Lawn. It's a phrase that Anne and I used to talk about a lot when we were working together, the get off my lawn phase of our lives. Anne,, what, what do you think of when you hear that phrase? 

Ann: Um, obviously for me, get off my lawn is, every time I think of that, it means a crabby old lady yelling at [00:05:00] kids to get off their lawn.

And I know we jokingly said that that is our, the phase of life that we're in right now, but it's also true. So like take for example, last night our neighbor dog came onto our property and this is the second time this dog has, uh, come up to our house. Now our neighbors are pretty new, they're still building their house and they're all excited, but they're letting their dog run loose.

I'll flat out admit I'm not a dog person. I've been attacked by a dog as a kid, so that's kind of scarred me for all my life. I've never been a fan of dogs since. But, my issue is, one, they never asked us if that was okay. They just let their dogs run wild. And, um, This time of year we have young animals on our property.

Like deer will leave their fawns in the lawn or in the orchard. [00:06:00] We have meadowlarks that like nest on the grounds. We have um, a lot of baby animals that like take refuge on our property. You know, we have snakes and stuff like that. And we also have gardens. And we all know how much dogs like to dig in soil.

Yeah. Yeah. And so Because this is the second time this dog has come up to our house unattended, I went over to talk to our neighbors. And I said, and I just flat out said, look, please do not let your dog run on my property. I'm not cool with that. And the neighbors are like, well, they did try to say, oh, well, it's, it's, uh, that dog isn't dangerous.

And I'm like, I don't care. It's loose. It's on my property. Uninvited, keep your dog off my property. In other words, you know, keep your dog off my lawn. I don't want to be cleaning up dog crap [00:07:00] on my lawn. I don't want my cats being harassed because sometimes they're out hunting mice, supervised. Because I don't want them, you know, leaving the property either.

So, and I know it's probably not a good foot to start off with your neighbor relations to just tell it, tell them to keep their dog under control, but it's very important that this boundary is set. I didn't threaten, but I would prefer to make sure that my message is clear, that this is my boundary, please do not violate it.

And yeah, and if that makes me a crabby old lady, so be it. Yeah, 

Shelly: well, and so I am a dog person, and I will say, as a dog person, we can be unaware that not everybody is the same as us, and not everybody feels that same way. And I think, but I think what's important [00:08:00] about what you just talked about in that story is setting the boundaries, right?

So it's okay. To not always be aware as a dog person that not everybody's a dog person But it's not okay. Once somebody's told you that this is you know This is my expectation. This is my property. I Really would don't want your dog on my property. And here's why it sounds like you explained why you know for them to ignore that So hopefully they'll listen Hopefully they'll be good neighbors and realize that that's a good way to get started with your relationship You You know, it's, it's, it's tricky to me because I think in Montana, it's kind of a little bit of a norm to let your animals roam free to some degree.

I mean, people have fences and stuff like that in town, but if you live, both of us live a little bit on the outskirts of town, right? 

Ann: Yes. 

Shelly: So I think that that's kind of a little bit of a social norm in this area. So I would say, [00:09:00] you know, I, I, I'm sure that they went into that. Not aware, but, um, it's funny to me how they try to justify rather than saying, okay, 

Ann: yeah, sorry, thanks, yeah, we won't let you take us, no, that would have been, I think, a response I would have accepted and say, okay, no big deal.

But she argued with me trying to justify, well, this dog is not a dangerous dog. Um, that's not the point. The point is, this dog is Crossing my boundaries. And that's not okay. Because there was never any permission asked. It was just assumed that, Oh, it's a dog. It can run, you know. So, that, that irritates me.

You know? 

Shelly: Yeah. Whether it's dogs or, you know, we were talking about the boats out in the lake. It's like, we as humans, I think, are so kind of self centered, [00:10:00] and I think that's part of what makes us crabby, right? We talked a lot about boundaries, and I think that's true. To me, it's also about your own self awareness of what do your, how do your actions, or lack of actions in that case, uh, impact others.

And I think we're so blissfully unaware of that most of the time, that we just carry on with our day and do what we want to do. without that thought. Mm-Hmm. , you know? Um, and there's ways to contain your dog without tying them up or without caging them. I mean, there's, there's ways to contain your dog, right?

I get they're just building their house, but they can figure that out, you know? Right. Um, so I don't know. I just feel, I feel like sometimes in general, people just, uh, need to just think beyond their own little bubble and realize that not everybody's the same as them, and that, that people have different life experiences.

So does that really make us crabby old ladies, or just people who are tired of others, [00:11:00] uh, not respecting, um, our personal boundaries and, um, how their actions impact others? I'd say both, 

Ann: okay, cause all I know is as, as I get older, my patience for, for, for A lot of things has grown thinner as far as, um, people not paying attention to what's going on around them.

They're so engrossed in their little bubble, I guess, you know, what's going on with them that they, like you said, they don't, either they don't understand or don't care that their actions have greater impact than what's A lot of times what they think they do. Yeah. 

Shelly: Yeah, and I, I totally agree with that. I think, I think it's somewhat human nature, which is sad [00:12:00] when you think about it because that means it's not going to go away.

Not on its own. It requires, it requires effort for people to be aware of their surroundings and what's going on. And I think our plan kind of for this podcast, right, is to. It's, you know, maybe somewhat jokingly to discuss things that bug us or annoy us or irritate us, you know, piss us off, whatever that might be.

To talk about that from our perspective as women in our mid fifties, after having half a century of life, oh my god. Generation X. Generation X and where we come from. On the other hand, I have to tell myself a lot because I think as you get to our age, God, it makes us sound so old. Our age. I don't think of us as old, really.

But, um, But I have to tell myself sometimes that, you know, people in general are well intended with what they're doing. They don't intentionally go out of their way to try to annoy me. I actually think 

Ann: [00:13:00] they do. 

Shelly: Well, well, no, I mean, I think there's people out there that do. 

Ann: I 

Shelly: mean, maybe we disagree a little bit on that, but I think in general people do.

Um, people are not intentionally trying to irritate other people. Most of the time. Most of the time. I think, you know, they may be making choices and don't care about other people. That's true. But in general, they're not necessarily, um, uh, intentionally trying to annoy us. Or maybe they just have had a bad day.

Or maybe, you know, there's something else going on in their lives that made that particular moment be, uh, Um, they do something that, that, that irritates us, right? Yeah. So I try to, I try to cut people slack as a whole because of that. Until you board a plane. Oh, yeah. And we could have a whole podcast on that, uh, myself having, uh, [00:14:00] so as a consultant I travel a lot and one of the, my biggest pet peeves are, are how, how much.

People are unaware of their surroundings when they board a plane. I cannot tell you how many times I have had my face hit by a, somebody's backpack because they have a backpack on and they turn around in a space that is not that wide. So what do they think is going to happen? Or some guy's crotch in my face.

Oh, that bugs me a lot. You know, it's like I'm sitting here and you're putting your bag up. You know, could you be aware of where your body is? You know, there's somebody sitting here. Yeah. So, uh, yeah, just totally, uh, totally unaware, very annoying, I agree. But again, try to, uh, cut people slack in general, that maybe they just don't know, they're unaware, they're not doing it intentionally, that gives me some peace sometimes.

Ann: Yeah, but you know, but you're also, have to understand that [00:15:00] sometimes it does impact you, personally. Like, if someone's having a bad day, okay, but they don't have to take it out on other people. And that's, that's what's, uh, a challenging part because I sometimes do take things personally even though I shouldn't.

And if somebody is having a bad day and they say something kind of nasty to me, um, that makes my day bad too. Because I think about that. And I think about that for a long time. Uh, so, for example, I used to go to yoga, and to me, yoga is kind of a personal enrichment experience. And so, before the class, I'm laying on my mat, my eyes closed, and there was another gal who I was acquaintances with, um, that goes to the same class sometimes, and apparently I [00:16:00] didn't interact with her enough.

at yoga and so she made some remark about never talking to her again. 

Shelly: Which you weren't talking to her anyway. Right. So, okay. Which 

Ann: was so confusing. I'm like, what? Cause she's, she's like, well, um, yeah, don't ever talk to me again because you never talked to me. I'm like, well, okay. But ever since then, it's, I.

Do not even enjoy yoga anymore, because every time I walk into that class, I think about that interaction. And maybe that was her intention. 

Shelly: I don't 

Ann: know. 

Shelly: But You, which, you hit the nail on the head that, that there also is responsibility as the person who maybe you are having a bad day, and we can cut you some slack for that, but that still doesn't excuse bad behavior, right?

Or, uh, harmful behavior, because sometimes that one thought or that one thing that you say [00:17:00] Mm-Hmm. could be really hurtful and damaging to that, to the individual. That it's, that it's attack. Attaching to, yeah. . That's, that, that you're saying that to. You know, one of the things that I do is I direct a women's, uh, acapella course here in Helena.

And, um, I've become very aware of how the things that I say can be, you know. I, I might even not be saying anything negative, but I have to be really careful about where I, what I say and, and, um, I found sarcasm, you know, I like sarcasm. I can be a very sarcastic person, but sarcasm can really come across as hurtful and harmful to people.

Okay. So, so I, I have to be really careful about the words I say and realize first, first of all, do no harm, right? So think about what you're saying. You need to cut people slack for their behavior, but the person [00:18:00] who is maybe doing the action also really needs to think about what they're doing and how that could impact 

Ann: another person.

Because you don't want to be the doormat, or you don't want to be the one that's always taking the crap and not Well, yeah, I mean, 

Shelly: there's a responsibility. You need to, even if we cut you slack or, or, or, or, uh, perhaps we, we give you some grace in what you do and, and, and understanding that, that you maybe had a bad day or whatever.

That doesn't excuse the behavior, even, even if we choose to let that go. Right? So, so there has to be some responsibility on individual's side. to understand, now I feel like I'm preaching. I have to stop. And you're not being 

Ann: a crabby old lady. Wrapping this 

Shelly: up. No, I am being a crabby old lady because here's what I think.[00:19:00] 

Here's what I think. I think that people need to take a beat and think about their actions before they do things. Absolutely. And how that impacts not just themselves and maybe their immediate circle of Friends or people that are around him, but also the greater community and, and I think that that's the failing and that's what annoys me the most is when people just are unaware of what, uh, what their actions do to other people.

Ann: Yeah, that, that is a tremendous irritant because nobody lives in a vacuum. 

Shelly: Right. 

Ann: We are all part of society. 

Shelly: And, and, well, sorry. Carry on. Oh, no, I was just responding to what you had to say. Yeah, and I just think, I think that that's kind of the key, right? That's, that's the key. That's, that's, it's, there's little things and, and, and, you know, hopefully we'll have a little bit of fun laughing and talking about these things because a lot of times they're, they're trivial, [00:20:00] maybe trivial to some degree, but we don't really know.

We don't know what the other person's backstory is. We don't know their history, whether that's the receiver or the giver, right? So setting those boundaries and being clear about, um, communicating to people about that I think is. That's what Get Off My Lawn is all about. Communicating these boundaries of things that people need to be aware of.

Right. And then those people, those people out there, those kids these days, however you want to say it, then they need to take that information and be aware of it. That would be nice, yes, 

Ann: but that does require a little bit of self awareness though, which to be honest, I'm afraid a lot of people just don't have.

Shelly: Well, that's true. And, okay, so, Ann might be a little more cynical than me, I might be a little bit more rosy sunshine, not all the time, but, at the end of the day, I think [00:21:00] we agree, right, that people just need to kind of just be aware. Um, so, uh, I think that's probably enough for today, what do you think? I think, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, well, maybe a little bit out of time, so, um, we hope you'll join us for the next podcast with me. with some conversations with us Krabby O'Ladies, um, until then, get the hell off my lawn.